You know you want to …

“Honkey-Ass Racist Whitey Can’t-Jump Cracka Motherfuckas for John McCain”

What’s with the headline, seriously? Couldn’t come up with anything clever to rhyme with “Factor”? I mean … “Cracker Factor”? Was “Is John McCain Banking On The Nigger Nightmare In PA” just too … I don’t know … black for you, John Baer?

Maybe it’s close in PA because people - black, white, yellow, red, purple, green, orange or whatever - are kind of annoyed at the whole socialist thing. But of course, a vote AGAINST Obama is considered a vote FOR racism to our esteemed elite media.

Assholes. Can we just launch these stupid bastards into Canada? Seriously. Hurl them into Ontario with a nice, shiny circus cannon.

Microsoft Silverlight.

Malkin has it up. This part is positively priceless:

Unless you believe the events of 9/11 were the result of a government conspiracy, which by the way would make you a MORON, there is no reasonable argument you can make against there being a true and dangerous threat that needs to be dealt with. i don’t care if there are corporations leaching off the war effort to make money, and i don’t care if you don’t think our freedom within America’s borders is actually at stake. i just want to kill those who would harm my family and friends. it is that simple.

Pure poetry. That right there is what a proud American sounds like. Thank you Army Specialist Stephen Fortunato. Rest in peace. You are hereby added to my list of “awesome badass motherfuckers I’ll be buying a beer for if there happens to be an afterlife.”

This really, REALLY pisses me off.

LONDONDERRY, N.H. — A Londonderry high school student was supposed to sing the national anthem at Barack Obama’s rally Thursday, but he ended up not being able to.

Just hours before he was to hit the stage, the Obama campaign told him he was no longer needed.

But why? Got a robot to sing it? Barbra in town instead?

Zach Bengal, 17, said he was bumped because the campaign had to make time for more speeches.

Then National Anthem takes all of TWO FRIGGING MINUTES to sing. It’s a sign of respect for this country, our founding fathers, and everything the good people of America - warts and all - stand for. Don’t tell me it isn’t a big deal. It’s a big deal. It shows a lack of respect to bump our anthem for anything. What I see here is an admission by the campaign that it’s not as important as talking about politics. That’s a huge load of hippo-shit.

He said the campaign worker who broke the news was apologetic and said they’d keep him in mind for the future. In a written statement, the campaign said it regretted what it called a miscommunication with Bengal, but it said several other New Hampshire residents were able to speak at the event.

So forego the National Anthem (which liberals pretty much hate anyway), and make time for some residents to plead about how they need nationalized healthcare and how damn fucking skippy wealth redistribution is.

Oh, if only I could resurrect Old Hickory to hunt down Barack Obama and beat the living crap out of him with his cane.

Joe the Plumber is Trig Palin’s Father!!

Obama was just 8 years old when Joe Biden learned that J-O-B-S was a three letter word!!

Our back door in the house is kind of … sticky. The door is slightly too big for the opening and being the safe and secure type of person I am, I like it shut and locked.

Shutting the door, however, is really difficult. Basically, you have to turn the lock and slam your upper body against it as hard as possible. I was engaging in this amusing routine today as my wife was looking at me. Slam. Whack. Slam. Whack. I was unwittingly re-enacting one of my favorite music videos, like, farking EVER. She looked at me strangely for a brief moment as I started singing … then got the joke. Much laughing ensued. The video? Here it is. And no, my high-note didn’t sound all that great …

Yeah, it’s outdated. Corny. Campy. Borderline crappy. And I love every second of that oozy ’80s cheese.

Roberta X (via … like … everyone) asks:

How about you? Why do you shoot? Why do you carry, if you carry at all?

That’s a two part question that I’m more than happy to indulge in. I’ll get to the reference to my title in just a moment …

First, why do I shoot? Because it’s fun and I like making crap explode. Seriously. Say all you want about the challenge of target practice, blah blah blah - personally, I’m not that precise nor am I patient enough to still my hand as if I’m dead (though I’m a pretty good shot). MOA means exactly nothing to me. Groupings? Whatever. My criteria lies somewhere between something blowing up, and something not blowing up. If it blows up, I smile. If it doesn’t, I reload and keep shooting until it does. Either way, I end up with a smile.

If I can explode a vegetable at 25-50 yards with an SKS that’s accurate enough to hit the side of a barn from inside of the barn … just barely … I am one happy little shooter.

Yes, it’s practice and practice is good. Yes, I like the feeling of wood and iron hitting me hard along with the whiff of a freshly fired round. Yes, I enjoy my time at the range because it’s my time and blah blah blah, but I’m a guy, and ultimately I want to see, hear, and feel KABOOM. Tin can, Furby, fruit and vegetables, keyboards, whatever other piece of crap I have lying around, doesn’t matter.

Next … why do I carry?

Well, that comes down to my value of family, property, and personal liberty. First off, let me make something very clear … I do NOT carry for “self-defense”. I carry to have a tool with which I can end a very serious threat. There is a huge difference.

Some thug grabs you by the throat and swings for your head. You block his punch with your own arm. THAT is self-defense. You have successfully defended yourself. Congratulations. Get ready for more punches because you have not ended the threat.

That same thug grabs you by the throat and swings for your head. You block his punch, and promptly jam your finger into his eye socket. As he leans over screaming in anguish, you grab him by the back of his head, and ram your knee into his face with full force and no mercy until he stops making noise and slumps to the ground. You’re not sure if he’s dead. Looks like he’s breathing, maybe. You have not simply “defended yourself”. You have ended the threat.

You cannot end a threat with only defense. There has to be some action of offense - or counter-threat of some kind. Only then can you call it “over”.

I am not interested in self-defense and I don’t carry for self-defense. I carry because some threats cannot be ended unarmed. This all applies to the situation at hand …

Some cretin shoves me on a city street because he thinks I’m looking at him funny? Whatever.

Some cretin leans out the window of his car and calls me all kinds of terrible names? Later, pal.

Some cretin takes a sucker punch at me for whatever reason? You bet your ASS I’ll bludgeon that bastard into a bloody hump of pudding - well beyond the point where he wished he hadn’t touched me.

Some cretin pulls a knife on me at an ATM at 10PM? If he plays his cards wrong, either that knife will be sticking out of his belly or a full magazine of .40 S&W hollow-points will have punched holes in him. If he plays his cards right, he’ll see the look on my face, apologize, and run away.

I’m not interested in “aiming for the knee” or “screaming for help” or “brandishing a weapon” to scare him away. Nonono. Self-defense doesn’t do the job, it’s temporary and the threat can continue. My philosophy when it comes to protecting myself, my property, or my loved ones:

I will end the threat with twice as much force as my attacker.

If someone decides to engage in an attack, it is my duty to end that attack as swiftly and decisively as is humanly possible - beyond the point of self-defense. I can’t do that just blocking a sucker punch. I can’t do that trying to keep dodging someone who’s swinging a knife or a bat at my head.

That’s why I carry. Because there are stupid people willing to try stupid things and I value my life, liberty, family and possessions enough that any biologically sub-standard troglodyte willing to crap on my little piece of the American Pie should be met with nothing less than twice that which they have decided to inflict on me with exactly zero hesitation. I don’t ever want my kids to hear “Daddy didn’t do enough” or “Daddy tried, but the man had a knife”. No way. It’s never, ever about self-defense, it’s about ending the threat no matter what it takes.

… but it’s not where the narrative says it is.

Guess which column is which candidate by looking at these numbers.