Uhh. Ick.

Commenter and friend Angus Lincoln and I are heading to the range tomorrow!

Looks like I need to bring stuff to shoot. I have a keyboard, a motherboard, and possibly an old metal trash can that I’d love to peg a few times with the SKS. I’ll be snapping some photos!

Okay, SayUncle has the goods.

What’s really funny here is that it’s someone with NRA connections who infiltrated an anti-gun group for years. Now, as a PRO-GUN individual, this is easy. When anti-gun folk are having a meeting, walk in and say what you would expect - as a pro-gun person - an anti-gun person to say:

1) “If we remove all guns, there will be less crime!”

2) “Nobody needs an AK-47!”

3) “The Gun Lobby needs to be taught a lesson!”

4) “Gun-nuts are compensating for mini-schlong-itis!”

And there you have it. That group of frothing anti-gun activists will warmly accept you in the ranks, for you have offered the only greeting they understand and communicated it perfectly in their own language - an agreement with the echo chamber!

Likewise, it’s near impossible for an anti-gun individual to infiltrate a pro-gun group. The reason for this is that the anti-brain has a distinct and irrefutable vision of what a pro-gun individual is like, and thus, is unable to cloak their true intentions because of their inability to merge with actual facts and ideals. For instance, if an anti-person walked into a pro-gun meeting wanting to hide their true agenda and become one of the “good ol’ boys”, they would most likely blurt out one of the following:

1) “So nice to be here with all you other murderous macho bigots!”

2) “Hey everyone! I brought a case of Pabst! Let’s go murder some negros!”

3) “What’s so unreasonable about registration, microstamping, and a ban on anything that can fire a projectile at greater than 30 feet-per-second?”

4) “I keep rocket launchers in my trunk and I married my sister just like you all!”

Since the anti-brain is incapable of processing a piece of information that is based in fact, they are biologically incapable of preventing their own true colors from being shown when placed in a stressful situation. If you’re ever at an NRA meeting and you hear any of the above statements, or someone exhibits signs of panic and stress such as profuse sweating, fidgeting, trembling, projectile vomiting or making poopy pants, calmly approach them and inform them that it’s no use - they should go back to the fantasy land from which they came.

How to get a picky child to eat pretty much anything:

Step 1: Smother whatever it is you wish for them to consume in cheese. Lots of cheese.

Step 2: Serve it.

Done.

This guy did.

Memo to idiot: Do not attempt to start your lawnmower while drunk.

What the hell is that thing?

No creature on this earth should have both the capacity to fling poo, and taste good. My reality has been shattered.

via SayUncle

See, we’re a bunch of religious, gun-toting nutjobs. Barack Truly, You Have A Dizzying Intellect Obama was right!

Look at this crap:

Among those applauding the Supreme Court’s recent 5-4 ruling seconding the Second Amendment are the good folks at Windsor Hills Baptist Church in Oklahoma City. You can find a link to the court’s ruling on the church’s web site. It follows a brief explanation of the church’s decision to give away a gun at its annual youth conference this month.

As Dave Barry often says, I wish I were making this up.

Well that certainly makes your stance clear from the get-go. Commence with the terrible jokes!

Praise the Lord and pass the automatic assault rifles. One nation, under God, locked and loaded. In Guns We Trust.

How goofy! Bring on the Brady Quote!

Rev. Rachel Smith, whose blog “God Not Guns” is a project of the Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence, calls it gundamentalism.

GUNDAMENTALISM! Love it. Boy that’s just … wow … clever as it gets right there, isn’t it? That makes me a congregate at Our Patron of the Ammunition Downrange Explusionist!

“America’s gun culture is marked by zeal closely akin to that of religious fundamentalism. The gun-rights movement is built upon a system of belief that is both absolutist and aggressive. It has its sacred text, its creed, its icon and its ideology.”

And its adherents.

On the Windsor Hills web site, you’ll find a 30-minute video of highlights from the church’s 2007 youth conference. The video includes gun-battle scenes from “The Patriot,” Mel Gibson’s movie about the American Revolution. It includes scenes of the conference gun-shooting competition (cancelled this year) — boys firing automatic and semi-automatic assault rifles at last year’s shooting competition.

It also includes scenes of pastors preaching and dancing, once again proving that white men have no rhythm, in the pulpit or on the stage.

All this means … what exactly? Religions whackjobs enjoy dancing poorly and watching a drunk antisemitic loon? Who the hell cares about any of this, anyway? Other than your average lefty collectivist? Is a shooting competition so bad? Were they shooting at people or at targets? Was it safe?

Again … who cares?

I watched the video, expecting to see some sort of wild-eyed cult of survivalist extremists. Instead I saw men and women, boys and girls eating and playing, singing and praying. I saw the good, God-fearing people who elect our presidents, fight our wars, patrol our streets and put food on our tables.

Here’s where the author just isn’t trying. Praise the Lord and pass the automatic assault rifle? Gun rights advocates are just like these religions freakazoids? Religious fundamentalists are “absolutist and aggressive” and now they’re “good, God-fearing people”? Maybe it’s just me, I think this is a most transparent compliment meant as a sort of apathetic cloak of someone who’s clearly anti-gun and anti-religion.

Nothing wrong with that. I’m not at all religious, I just like shooting crap. A lot. Religion has nothing do to with it. I don’t “cling to guns” because I see it somehow on par with my religious belief. I cling to them because I like the feeling of cold steel against my face as I caress them alone in my basement, whispering sweet nothings into their chambers and lubing them up with gun oil like some kind of perverted masseuse who can’t keep his hands off ‘em.

Or not.

I see people who are products of our gundamentalist culture, people who drape the cross with a flag, people who believe the Second Amendment should be one of the Ten Commandments, people who seem to have more trust in guns than in God.

I think that completely misses the mark of this article. Are anti-folk really this stupid? The people at that church strike me as people who worship God, and love their guns.

I, however, trust guns more than God because if some thug makes the most unfortunate decision to break into my house with the intent to murder or rape some member of my family, sitting there and praying isn’t going to do a damn thing. Shooting the bastard will, and it would be up to me to do it, not God.

Heheheheheheheh.

Disclaimer: ZombieHarmony is for zombies only. We advise signing up for ZombieHarmony only if you lack a pulse, have limited motor skills, or feel an intense desire to feast on human beings. We are not responsible for lost or ingested loved ones. If you go on a date with a zombie, we cannot be held liable for contributing to the apocalypse.

Found over at Blogonomicon