Heheheheheheheh.

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Found over at Blogonomicon

Couldn’t resist posting about this story … out of New Zealand.

A judge in New Zealand made a child a ward of the court in order to change her name to something more reasonable. What was her name?

“Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii”

Okay then.

“The court is profoundly concerned about the very poor judgment which this child’s parents have shown in choosing this name,” he wrote. “It makes a fool of the child and sets her up with a social disability and handicap, unnecessarily.”

The girl had been so embarrassed at the name that she had never told her closest friends what it was. She told people to call her “K” instead, the girl’s lawyer, Colleen MacLeod, told the court.

For the record, I disagree with the judge’s decision. I believe the parents should be allowed to name the child whatever they want. Want a son named “I Am A Retard”? Go ahead.

However …

Once that child turns 18, he or she should have every freedom when it comes to beating the everloving shit out of their parents just prior to legally changing their own name. As a matter of fact, anyone who has any contact with that child should have the freedom to beat the everloving shit out of the kid’s parents. I know that if my son makes an 8-year-old friend at the park only to realize mere moments later that his newfound buddy’s name is “Eat Shit And Die”, “MILF-Porker”, or “Hey Is That Your Face Or Fucking Zit-Covered Pig Nuts” I’d sure as hell go beat the shit out of his parents for him.

Look at some of the names they’ve encountered:

Registration officials blocked some names, including Fish and Chips, Yeah Detroit, Keenan Got Lucy and Sex Fruit, he said. But others were allowed, including Number 16 Bus Shelter “and tragically, Violence,” he said.

“Number 16 Bus Shelter”? That child is destined to become homeless.

SEX FRUIT! How do you do that? “Hi, this is my wife Christine, our sons Anthony and Robert, and that’s my daughter, Sex Fruit.” That deserves a major bludgeoning.

I have little patience for parents pushing their own ignorance and bad behavior upon their children. Whenever I’m at a store and I see some 12-year-old girl walking around in platform shoes and a pair of hip huggers with the word, “Juicy” or “Bitch” or “Saucy” written across the back, the urge to throttle their parents bubbles up real quick. But … Sex Fruit?

New Zealand law does not allow names that would cause offense to a reasonable person, among other conditions, said Brian Clarke, the registrar general of Births, Deaths and Marriages. Clarke said officials usually talked to parents who proposed unusual names to convince them about the potential for embarrassment.

See, that’s what I’m not all on board with. Causing offense to a “reasonable person”? There are a lot of people out there, and it’s hard to peg who is “reasonable” about being offended or not. Generally, when people are offended by something, it’s hardly reasonable.

If I decided to name my child “Winchester”, there are plenty of people who would be highly offended. And plenty of those people likely WOULDN’T be offended if I decided to name my child, “Obama’s Disciple” or … I don’t know … “Face Slapping Cock Monkey”.

Hmm … “Winchester” is a pretty cool boy’s name, by the way …

Politicians at war with the citizenry!

SPRINGFIELD - People may be nervous about the economy, but Gov. Deval L. Patrick heard from Western Massachusetts municipal leaders Thursday afternoon that potential disaster looms on the November ballot.

Any time you hear the words “potential disaster” and “ballot” it means someone is going to have less power than they used to having.

Patrick, holding a public meeting of his cabinet at the Bangs Community Center in Amherst, listened as Northampton Mayor Mary Clare Higgins called for the public to rally against a ballot question that would eliminate the state’s 5.3 percent income tax.

AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! “Come on people! Take arms against tax elimination!” That’s some funny shit right there. Something tells me folks won’t exactly be whipped up into a frenzy over that one.

Look at these quotes …

“I’m really challenging the whole room that we need to work together on this question,” Higgins told an overflow gathering of more than 175 people.

… and …

Chicopee Mayor Michael D. Bissonnette, echoing Higgins’ concern, said the ballot question “ought to scare the living daylights out of any thinking person.”

… and …

Bissonnette then put the issue in monetary terms, saying passage of the question would cripple Chicopee’s $150 million annual budget.

“We’ll cut that by a third if this thing passes,” Bissonnette said.

DISASTER! For politicians. For the citizens it actually might be kinda nice.

How did it get on the ballot? Good old fashioned hard work and pissed off liberty-minded citizens:

The question got on the ballot after a petition drive by the Committee for Small Government, led by Libertarian Carla Howell, got the necessary 11,000 signatures.

Nice job, right there.

I love watching politicians squirm. It makes me happy. Like donuts and coffee, well-written code, the smell of gunpowder in the morning, or a Buffy the Vampire Slayer marathon.

Leslie A. Kirwan, secretary of administration and finance, said personal income taxes account for about $13 billion of the $28 billion state budget. “This is the most staggering challenge that faces us,” Kirwan said. “It’s very important that all of you do as much as you can to see that that ballot question does not prevail,” she said.

That’s just pure awesome. I love that it’s a “disaster” that there’s a challenge posed by thousands of like-minded residents.

And if you ever wondered if Deval Patrick was a complete tool, this should put to rest any doubt you’ve ever had in your mind:

“I don’t meet people who like paying taxes. … I don’t like paying taxes,” he said. However, the governor recalled living in Darfur in the Sudan after he graduated from Harvard College. There were no taxes - and more.

“(There were) no roads. No hospitals. No schools. No public safety,” Patrick said.

BBWAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That’s it right there. Get rid of MA taxes and it’ll be farking DARFUR! Slaughter in the streets! No roads! No hospitals! No Schools! No PUBLIC SAFETY! Oh … stop … laughing too hard … gonna pee … Public Safety … in … Assachusetts … BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Deval Patrick is trying to tell you that no taxes are the reasons Darfur is what it is. If that holds true, then if MA doesn’t have a state income tax, everyone will have to live in dung huts, half of them will have Aids and Malaria and every day hundreds of people will be slaughtered by psychos wielding machetes. Oh, and Bono will show up regularly to hand out mosquito nets! In The Name Of Love!

Forgive me if I feel that’s a small stretch.

The governor then went to Holyoke for an outdoor town hall meeting at Holyoke Heritage State Park. Hundreds of people gathered in the evening heat as Patrick, his suit coat off and shirt sleeves rolled up, took questions and offered that the work of government is really the work of the public.

“Government is about us helping ourselves,” Patrick said.

No. Helping yourself is about helping yourself. Government nowadays (and particularly in MA), is about taking your money and funding billion dollar boondoggles, socialized health care, a disarmed citizenry (well, except for Jay), and politicians who sound as if though they’re about ready to spend every last penny and pull every trick in the book protecting state income tax.

Now, you knew this comparison would be inevitable … New Hampshire has no personal income tax and last I checked … we have roads. Schools. And pretty much everything else they DON’T in Darfur.

Darfur … oh, man, my sides hurt from that one …

Public Function PieceOfShit(OS As String) As Boolean

If OS <> “Linux” Then
      PieceOfShit = True
      Else
      PieceOfShit = False
End If

As if there was any doubt …

Actually no. Don’t shoot her. That’s too kind.

WEBSTER, N.H. — Police in Webster said they are searching for a woman accused of beating her stepchild with a belt and pushing the child down a set of stairs multiple times.

Police said Cara LeBlanc pushed the child down a set of stairs seven times, dragging the child to the top of the stairs by her hair every time before pushing her.

8 years old. Eye for an eye, I say.

This is probably going to be old news or a tired argument to those of us floating around that understand a bit more about what self-defense and what personal liberty mean. Nevertheless, I got to thinking about about it, and just wanted to splatter those mess of thoughts down for future reference.

We hear a lot from people who can afford security detail at taxpayer’s expense about how dangerous something like a firearm can be. I’ve seen everything - and I’m sure you have too - from firearms causing suicide to firearms causing accidents to firearms causing murder.

Before I get to the meat here, let me put that one to rest - firearms are inanimate objects. They sit there. They cannot cause anything just sitting there. My toaster is an inanimate object. It just sits there. A firearm is not capable of just “going off” and blasting a hole in some part of my body without any interaction whatsoever. A toaster is not capable of unplugging itself, dashing through my kitchen, plugging itself into a bathroom outlet and hurling itself into my bathtub as I sit there soaking in warm suds with cucumber slices over my eyes and a copy of some trashy Harlequin Romance novel sitting beside me. Not that I do that. My wife would kind of freak out.

Regarding suicide, saying guns are a cause of murder or suicide is like saying that toasters are the cause of toast. I don’t wake up in the morning, head into my kitchen, see burnt toast all over my floor and a shit-eating grin on my toaster as it’s blood-lust has been sated murdering my recently-purchased loaf of Wonder bread. I won’t fall to my knees, raise my fist with fury in my eyes and say, “DAMN YOU TOASTER!! WWWHHHYYYYYY!?!?!?!?!!?” Because … well because that can’t happen.

Those points are important, and I just wanted to get them out of the way before continuing. Posterity, consider yourself saked.

There are essentially three periods of time to every criminal act.

1) Pre-crime.

References to Minority Report aside, this is a period of time before the crime happens, right up to the decision to act, and ending a split second before the act itself. This pre-crime period could last a year, five years, or just a few minutes. Crimes of passion are certainly shorter, but thought out crimes are more the norm. Thugs deciding in the afternoon to hop into a car and drive by someone’s house with the intent of gunning someone down takes a few hours of thought and planning.

As a criminal, you are the only party aware of what is about to happen. It’s your decision. Your victim shouldn’t know unless there’s been a threat, which is something different entirely. In some cases threats are considered a crime but I’m sticking to something related more to assault and battery. Particularly the battery part.

As a victim, you have no idea this crime is about to happen. This huge length of time - time that could span a year or more in the case of planned murder, is something that occurs without your involvement, otherwise a different course of action takes place. Your general couple walking toward an ATM while a mugger lies nearby in wait is certainly more common than a planned murder-for-hire or some such thing.

At any rate, this pre-crime period is essentially completely in the hands of the criminal, not the victim. There is nothing you can do as an individual to defend yourself from an act that hasn’t yet been committed.

2) The crime.

Something that generally lasts a few seconds, or a few minutes. In more rare circumstances, hours of someone being raped - imprisoned in their own home, but generally the act of the crime itself is over just about as fast as it begins.

As a criminal, it’s carrying out a planned, violent act. Criminals have the advantage of having thought about the act they’re going to commit, and then going through with it.

As a victim, you have, most likely, all of 90 seconds to get through before this act is over. You haven’t had the advantage of planning for months at a time what was going to happen in this particular event. The criminal pretty much has dictated where this is going to happen, when it is going to happen, and they’ve had plenty of time to think about their desired result. You, however, just need to act.

What do you do? You really only have two options. Cooperate with what is asked of you, or defend yourself by attempting to flee or attempting a counter-assault.

A 911 call can get you a slashed throat, your teeth kicked in, or shot. Who whips out their cell phone, dials 911, and has a conversation with an operator while there’s a knife to their throat? A dead man, that’s who. Dial 911 when you’re safe, otherwise you’re wasting time and increasing the possibility that you’ll be injured or killed.

A scream for help can get you a slashed throat, your teeth kicked in, or shot. Even worse, it could get you ignored.

Giving the criminal everything they desire can get you a slashed throat, your teeth kicked in, or shot.

Let’s face it. You’ve had no time to plan for an event that a criminal could have been planning for days, weeks, or months. You’ve had no time to prepare. You’re caught completely by surprise, and you have mere seconds to do something. The criminal knows that it’s going to be over very soon - one way or another.

Those that would advocate “giving them everything they ask for,” are essentially asking YOU - a person with a family … children … and hard-earned money in your pocket … to trust someone who has planned an event that has an excellent chance of ending with you being killed. Put your fate into their hands. Pray. Hope you get lucky. Whatever you do, “don’t make the situation worse,” as if there is some end to this seconds-long conflict that could end up being worse than having a blade jabbed into your neck and having your wife explain tearfully to your children that “Daddy won’t be coming home tonight …”. Because you can be DAMN SURE that anti-gun politicians won’t drop by to explain it to your kids. The Brady Campaign won’t do it either. But both of them will be more than thrilled to jump on Daddy’s corpse and tell your kids that someone was misunderstood and the gun was actually what took their Daddy away.

Those that would advocate “the police are there to protect you,” are just as guilty. You need to contact the police. They could be blocks away, or miles away. You have to get in touch with them somehow, stall for minutes on end, and hope you can hold out long enough against someone who has planned this crime. Nothing wrong with hope, but let’s be realistic here, hope won’t stop a thug hell-bent on taking your money, your sneakers, or your life.

During this - the shortest period of time during a criminal act - you have yourself, and only yourself to depend on in order to make sure you arrive home safely, you hug your kids again, you continue living your life unharmed, and you keep your own possessions. Nobody can help you. Nobody can foresee a criminal act that can be planned for months but only takes a few seconds to accomplish. Not you. Not the police. Not the government.

Nobody except yourself, living in that exact moment, having full and complete responsibility over your own life.

3) Post-crime.

It’s finished. What happened?

If you depend on others for your safety … if you listen to all of those calls of, “just give them what they want” there is certainly a chance you’re fine. The crime ends with you shaken up, and some thief running away with your wallet, credit cards, etc. Maybe it’s worse than that. Maybe that 90-second crime ends with you face-down, fatally wounded - your possessions and your life and those around you forever altered by an act that may have been planned for a period of time, but only took a few seconds to complete. Maybe there’s a 911 operator on the line saying, “Hello? Hello are you there? Hello sir are you with me? Hello?” as you’re blacking out and the sound of running footsteps are getting farther away. Your last thought is your children … they’re going to grow up without you. You’re going to miss them. You cooperated, you did everything they said you should do …

Or maybe, just maybe, you had means to defend yourself. You were as prepared as you can be for this situation by not putting yourself in a position of weakness. Being aware of your surroundings. With your bare hands or with a gun on your hip you were able to defend yourself. And in that case you can calmly flip open your phone, call the police, and have them come to clean up the pieces. You’ll go home and hug your children. You’ll kiss your wife again. You’ll be shaken up - certainly - but you won’t be dead. Nobody will have taken what’s rightfully yours. Nobody will have taken a father or mother away from their kids. And all of those people - politicians with their own security detail of armed guards, anti-gunners who believe that a gun causes death like a toaster causes toast - you can smile because all of them advocated you trusting a criminal and hoping for a positive outcome. All of them believe that you are too weak … too angry … too unskilled … too careless, spiteful, bigoted or pissed off to be trusted to take care of your own life and your own family. All of them - instinctively - wish for a greater chance of your death above your own ability to protect yourself.

And that’s what I find most fascinating - and indeed highly ironic - of all. All of those that would disarm you and prevent you from protecting yourself and your family are so eager to play Russian Roulette with your life. Trusting a random criminal, circumstances, and chance above a greater possibility of your survival. Anyone who advocates your disarmament for the greater good is nothing more than a malicious offender themselves - a party to the crime. They have, after all, made it possible for a period of 90 seconds to have a greater chance of ending in your death or injury.

So when is the government useful in a crime? When are the police or any emergency responder useful?

You can make an argument that it’s the government’s job to keep criminals locked away. It’s not - it’s up to the courts, your local elected officials, and your state government to provide the environment where there is less of a chance that these sorts of things can happen. Nobody - ever - will prevent crime from happening because the criminal is the only one who knows what’s going to happen. Long prison sentences help, considering violent criminals are too often turned around and released back onto the streets without much more than being yelled at. Apart from that, what’s the solution? More police patrols? Everyone gets their own police officer to walk around with them like our esteemed elite elected officials?

Pre-crime has more to do with social behavior and environment than anything else. And that’s nothing you as an individual have full control over.

The crime itself? Already demonstrated - police are not the answer. They may or may not be there and they may or may not be able to help you. It’s chance. Luck. Russian Roulette once again. Trust a complete stranger with your life? I wouldn’t. Whether they’re able to help or not, they’ll still go home and kiss their kids, hug their spouse, and maybe have a home-cooked meal. They’ll still be at the family BBQ, they’ll still go to work. Sure, they may have a shitty day because they saw some guy with his throat slit and his wallet missing face down in a pool of their own blood somewhere, but hey … they’ll be all right … they’re lucky to be alive with such a dangerous job. It’s certainly not their fault you made the decisions you did. They’ll use this special phrase when talking to a reporter about what happened … “By the time we arrived, it was too late.”

Face it. You’re the only one that can get through those few seconds. You have only yourself to trust and lean on. You’re the only one capable of making the decision to trust a criminal or yourself. You’re prepared, or you aren’t, either way you need to deal with the situation on your own.

And after it’s over? Call the clean up crew. It’s your job to make sure you’re the one left unscathed after some criminal decides to go through with his act. You should need to make two phone calls once you’re safe. First, call the police to tell them what happened and where. Second, call your family to tell them you’ll be a little late … you’re a little shaken up … and tell the kids not to worry because you’ll be home soon …

Saw this bit at Sebastian’s about animal freaks in Jersey and couldn’t resist going to their page.

In short, this group is pushing a fictional story about aliens coming to earth and hunting people for sport. Eating kids parents, sending terrible dog-like creatures after them to rip apart their flesh so they die in agony, etc. etc. etc.

Have a look at their resources page. Particularly the bit about TNR.

Trap.

Neuter.

Return.

I propose a new fictional story. One where aliens come to Earth, realize that cow is damn tasty and that animal rights loons are annoying as hell, and end up trapping them, cutting their nuts off, and only THEN letting them roam the population and mingle with meat-eaters.

Barnyard friends taste damn good on the grill during the summer, that’s for sure.

My son builds cars and buildings. I build this. Adults and legos are a bad mix. Name the movie: