So last night I’m watching some TV. I had no violently rabid zombie chipmunks to shove down the front of my pants. There was no dentist office open so I couldn’t voluntarily have my front teeth pulled sans anesthesia. I didn’t have a hose available, so I was unable to siphon gas from my car and promptly give myself a flaming enema, and it’s not January, so I couldn’t begin my naked pilgrimage through Nunavut wearing nothing but tightly wrapped barbed wire around my dangly bits. Damn. What’s a deranged masochist to do?

Oh well, MIGHT AS WELL watch Hillary’s speech. It’s more than I wanted to suffer, but that’s what making sacrifices and giving up a piece of your pie is all about.

The most telling moment of the entire speech came at about the 3-4 minute mark. I shall paraphrase:

HILLARY: “I’m a PROUD Democrat!” *WILD cheers from the audience*

HILLARY: “A PROUD Senator from New York!” *WILD cheers from the audience*

HILLARY: “A PROUD American!” *two guys clapping and a few cricket chirps*

HILLARY: “And a PROUD supporter of Barack Obama!” *WILD cheers from the audience*

I couldn’t stomach the whole speech. After I was done vomiting, I had the oddest song stuck in my head. Not sure how it got there but I think it had something to do with that woman …

Hmm.