Couldn’t resist posting about this story … out of New Zealand.

A judge in New Zealand made a child a ward of the court in order to change her name to something more reasonable. What was her name?

“Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii”

Okay then.

“The court is profoundly concerned about the very poor judgment which this child’s parents have shown in choosing this name,” he wrote. “It makes a fool of the child and sets her up with a social disability and handicap, unnecessarily.”

The girl had been so embarrassed at the name that she had never told her closest friends what it was. She told people to call her “K” instead, the girl’s lawyer, Colleen MacLeod, told the court.

For the record, I disagree with the judge’s decision. I believe the parents should be allowed to name the child whatever they want. Want a son named “I Am A Retard”? Go ahead.

However …

Once that child turns 18, he or she should have every freedom when it comes to beating the everloving shit out of their parents just prior to legally changing their own name. As a matter of fact, anyone who has any contact with that child should have the freedom to beat the everloving shit out of the kid’s parents. I know that if my son makes an 8-year-old friend at the park only to realize mere moments later that his newfound buddy’s name is “Eat Shit And Die”, “MILF-Porker”, or “Hey Is That Your Face Or Fucking Zit-Covered Pig Nuts” I’d sure as hell go beat the shit out of his parents for him.

Look at some of the names they’ve encountered:

Registration officials blocked some names, including Fish and Chips, Yeah Detroit, Keenan Got Lucy and Sex Fruit, he said. But others were allowed, including Number 16 Bus Shelter “and tragically, Violence,” he said.

“Number 16 Bus Shelter”? That child is destined to become homeless.

SEX FRUIT! How do you do that? “Hi, this is my wife Christine, our sons Anthony and Robert, and that’s my daughter, Sex Fruit.” That deserves a major bludgeoning.

I have little patience for parents pushing their own ignorance and bad behavior upon their children. Whenever I’m at a store and I see some 12-year-old girl walking around in platform shoes and a pair of hip huggers with the word, “Juicy” or “Bitch” or “Saucy” written across the back, the urge to throttle their parents bubbles up real quick. But … Sex Fruit?

New Zealand law does not allow names that would cause offense to a reasonable person, among other conditions, said Brian Clarke, the registrar general of Births, Deaths and Marriages. Clarke said officials usually talked to parents who proposed unusual names to convince them about the potential for embarrassment.

See, that’s what I’m not all on board with. Causing offense to a “reasonable person”? There are a lot of people out there, and it’s hard to peg who is “reasonable” about being offended or not. Generally, when people are offended by something, it’s hardly reasonable.

If I decided to name my child “Winchester”, there are plenty of people who would be highly offended. And plenty of those people likely WOULDN’T be offended if I decided to name my child, “Obama’s Disciple” or … I don’t know … “Face Slapping Cock Monkey”.

Hmm … “Winchester” is a pretty cool boy’s name, by the way …