QUICK! There’s no legislation! MAKE SOME!

New Hampshire is debating making it illegal for drivers to send text messages on cell phones or type on laptop computers.

Okay, if you’re typing on a laptop while you’re driving, you deserve to wrap yourself around the nearest birch.

But this?

“Our officers see far too many instances of people driving down the highway, particularly teens and young adults, paying absolutely no attention to their driving as they send and receive text messages,” Assistant Safety Commissioner Earl Sweeney told a House committee Tuesday.

Sweeney supported the bill and the $100 fine it would impose on offenders.

The state already has a law allowing police to ticket distracted drivers. But witnesses at the hearing said that law doesn’t do enough to address the serious risk of drivers using their knees to hold the wheel while they text-message on tiny phones or type on laptops.

See that … there’s ALREADY a law … but we need to legislate this more. Clearly these people are a danger to themselves and society! There must be accidents every day in this state because of text messaging while driving, right?

Campbell noted that at 65 mph, a driver paying attention to his text message instead of his driving was traveling 88 feet per second down the highway.

Okay, that’s kind of a stupid obscure statistic that has nothing to do with things. There are stats on how often this happens, right? And thus the need to legislate it?

Rep. Beverly Rodeschin, another co-sponsor, said that at least when drivers are applying lipstick or brushing their hair while driving they have one hand on the wheel.

So is it legal to jerk off while driving? Just curious, you know. That way if I get pulled over I can tell the Officer, “Hey! At least I had ONE HAND on the wheel, right? It’s not like I’m TEXTING! Oh. Sorry … here, let me wipe that badge off for you …”

Stuart Trachy, lobbyist for AT&T, testified for the bill as a way to encourage responsible use of the company’s cell phones.

Hmmm. Texting must be cheaper.

Okay … what about those stats? Blood in the streets?

Other states are considering similar bans. In a recent Massachusetts case, a 13-year-old boy died, allegedly as a result of a man driving an SUV while text-messaging. Drivers who read and compose text messages in Washington state could face a $124 ticket under a law that took effect Jan. 1. And Phoenix banned text messaging while driving in the city last year.

That’s lame. “Other states are doing it,” and “some Masshole did it,” are not statistics.

Farking nannies!